”La Llum” is a song I wrote some years ago during a summer of romantic and existential crisis. I’ve probably had several of those so at this point I don’t remember when it was, however, the person in question and the situation is very vivid to this day. Actually, a funny detail is that I often refer to the summer of any given year (e.g. summer of 2014), ever since I’ve been in Catalunya, which is exactly ten years this month. Somehow, life expands in summer, everything gets exposed to the crazy fire of the sun and emotions take on a life of their own. The lyrics are in Catalan (for those who don’t know the language, it’s the language of the Catalans, the inhabitants of the much discussed Northeastern autonomous region of Catalunya). I wrote this as one of the first songs in the language so Catalans, be kind!
Anyway, the best description of the duality of summer and winter, fire and earth, hot and cold, passion and common sense is in the untranslatable Catalan words rauxa and seny. Rauxa means craziness, letting loose, being over-the-top while Seny means common sense, reason and carefulness. During the months of spring, seny starts losing its power and rauxa starts gaining it, as the sun is gaining power and the days are becoming longer. And without even noticing, I’m lost. It happens, to a certain extent, every year. And I absolutely love it. I’m so happy I got to live this while I was still young.
The specific summer that I wrote this song, I had absolutely no idea what was happening with me and no idea how to proceed in life. It was, as described in the line “camino sota el sol com si fos de nit” probably my darkest summer of all, it actually didn’t feel much like summer at all. That’s why I longed for the light and clarity although it would probably hurt me even more than the twilight I was living in. And it did, but that’s a different song and a different blog post…
Quin dolor més gran no saber per on anar,
Mirar cap a la foscor i no poder veure el mar.
Miratges sense fons, mai no té sentit:
Camino sota el sol, com si fos de nit.
La llum apareixerà
Un bon dia en despertar,
Es farà amic de la foscor
I em deixarà respirar.
Anhelo la claror encara que em farà mal,
Perquè haig d’acceptar que el que serà, serà.
No sé si influir les vies del destí,
M’és complicat trobar el meu camí.
He de ser pacient, ja que tot no és tant senzill.
Haig de tenir forςa, tot i el perill.
La lluna plena és la pauta del meu cor,
I el sol i les estrelles la forςa de l’amor.
I mai no puc oblidar
Els teus ulls son un far.
It hurts so much not to know which way to go.
To look into the darkness and not see the sea.
Bottomless mirages, it never makes any sense.
I walk beneath the sun as if it were night.
The light will appear,
Some day when I wake up.
It will become friends with the darkness
And it will let me breathe.
I long for the light even though it will hurt me,
I have to accept that whatever will be, will be.
I don’t know whether to influence the paths of destiny,
It’s hard for me to find my way.
I have to be patient, because everything is not so simple.
I must be strong despite the danger.
The full moon is the pattern of my heart,
And the sun and the stars are the power of love.
And I will never be able to forget
Your eyes are a beacon.